Welcome to "What I Learned," a blog about reading that has helped my writing that Conor Gallagher has wroten. There might be spoilers.
Okay, so, full disclosure, I started this blog with a goal to only write positive reviews/thoughts. But then I started reading The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty and while it's still possible to stick to that goal, I can't wholeheartedly rec it. Well, I can, and I will, cause you learn (probably) just as much from books you don't enjoy as ones that you do, but most people have a finite amount of time to read and time on this planet and honestly this book---in my opinion---needed to be about 150 pages shorter. There's a whole cop subplot and WHY!?
To be fair, I think part of my disinterest and lack of enthusiasm came from being born darn near 30 years after The Exorcist came out so the culture was already inundated. My dad was making "Old priest, young priest" jokes before I saw the movie or knew it was a book. Of course, that didn't ruin Rosemary's Baby (which you should read immediately. IMMEDIATELY!), but here we are. I don't have all the answers. I honestly have very few.
So today, let's focus on something I did like, or at the very least, something I learned.
Today, I learned: Lock the Window!!, Or Chekhov's Gun Has More Than One Bullet.
For those unfamiliar, Chekhov's Gun is this thing---perhaps a more appropriate title is "maxim" or "rule"---that was summarized most deftly my the man himself.
"If in the first act you have hung a pistol on the wall, then in the following one it should be fired. Otherwise don't put it there." - Chekhov
A more elaborate explanation of this idea is that every piece of your narrative should be necessary. That word obviously has some wiggle room, but I'd say most people would end up on the same side of the line in an argument.
For example, some may argue that Rainbow Rowell taking the time to tell us Simon is covered in freckles and moles in "Carry On"---another immediate read, tbh. Sorry to see you go from here, but thanks for stopping by---is unnecessary. Of course, they'd be wrong because it's an awesomely cute detail that validates a larger emotional story arc, but a (weak) argument could be made.
Alternatively, knowing that wizards used to just magic away their poop and everyone's memory of them pooping is objectively an unnecessary detail. It adds nothing to the story. There is no pay off.
Another example of something unnecessary in a book is, perhaps, a whole subplot where a detective tries to decide how a very obvious murder happened while simultaneously, a priest does the same thing except they never exchange notes and unless this is a commentary on interorganizational communication hiccups, I'd vote NAY.
In that last one I'm talking about The Exorcist. You got it. I'm sure you did, cause it was so well-crafted. But really, why was Kinderman here? He and Father Karras were doing the same work. Granted, from different angles, but was anyone really doubting possession here?
Now, a quick summary just in case you haven't taken the time. From now on when I summarize, I'll super duper try not to spoil the end. But what I learned depends on the end. Also this book came out SO long ago.
Somewhere in Northern Iraq---which is spooky and Other both because it's older than the United States and because that's where the singular brown character lives---a priest finds a statue with a weird penis and is like, "It's about to go down again. I better get back to US so I can fight Pazuzu."
Pazuzu is the demon with the weird penis statue. Or that the statue depicts. He doesn't own any self-portrait statues. At least, it's not explicitly stated that he does. Anyways, then, the man who is unnamed this whole time, disappears from the book for around 300 pages. The book is 385 pages. This, in my opinion, is not a good move.
Meanwhile, an actress with short hair who curses and drinks and is named CHRIS?!?!
is filming a movie in D.C. and she has a daughter and two servants and an assistant and she's a little rude to everyone except her daughter. And then guess who gets possessed? No really, you're supposed to guess for a really long time.
When her daughter, Reagan, starts hearing noises, you're supposed to guess.
When they prescribe her Ritalin because she's wetting the bed and also peeing on an astronaut's shoes at a cocktail party and then telling him he's going to die in space, you're supposed to guess.
When she pretty clearly kills somebody....You get it.
Anyway, poor Reagan accidently made friends with the demon using a Ouija board. Why he chose her isn't explicitly stated in The Exorcist. We do learn later that the demon wanted to face the old man who was visiting Iraq so maybe Pazuzu knew he was close? Maybe it's that Reagan is psychic; a fact that is explored in the sequel Exorcist films that are sort of canon? Maybe it's that she nicknamed the demon Mister Howdy and he wanted revenge?
Okay, I shouldn't make fun of that. It's very creepy. And it's not the only creepy moment. Wait until you get to "It's her handwriting" and hope you have a light on. We're all just having fun here.
IT WAS A BESTSELLER AND SPAWNED A MOVIE FRANCHISE, A TV SHOW, ANOTHER BESTSELLING BOOK....HE IS FINE. MR. BLATTY IS FINE!
So then the demon is here but everyone tries their best to explain that away and that's the vast majority of the book and then, near the end, Father Merrin aka the Man Who Once Visited Northern Iraq arrives knowing it's Pazuzu and is ready to throw some blows.
SPOILERS!!
But he's got a bad heart and dies almost immediately but not after helping the other priest who has been here all along. He, Father Karras, is probably the most interesting character. Also he's the sexiest and they can't stop talking about it. Not even is a fetishy way either. He's just like built, and has a good face and IS A DOCTOR, HONEY. I think Chris wants to have sex with him. No shame in that game. Aside from his attractiveness, and kindness, he's also the only stable thing in her life and we can't blame her for wanting to hold onto the sturdy pole that is his being. You're welcome.
I think there's some evidence that Karras may be queer, but that's for another post.
In the end, Karras taunts the demon enough so that it jumps into him and then he jumps out the window and is cleansed of all his sins as he dies. Karras gets to go to heaven even if his mother s**ks c**ks in Hell. You have to read it to get that one, Kiddos.
KIND OF END OF SPOILERS!!
And thus, we have The Window. A warning and a taunt and, in my opinion, the most Chekhov-y Gun-type-object in the book. There's a few others that ring of despair, but they are used in other ways---mostly as clues---and never cause the demise they promised.
Reagan's bird statue. Karl's mysterious movie tickets. Sharon's crumpled correspondence.
All of these hinted at being vital set pieces, and to one of the least important but one of the most likeable characters, Kinderman, they were! His whole meaningless subplot couldn't have existed without these false pistols. Honestly, I would have prefered if Karras just had a friend who happened to be a wise-cracking cop with a bad knee.
Who knows why he's there? Perhaps because he's the only character who could easily transition to a best-selling sequel? Perhaps? Who knows?
Back to the window, the actually important "gun."
Early on, when everyone is still pretending Reagan is misbehaving because her absent father has missed her birthday---she cares, but not, like, enough to crawl down the stairs like a Lil' Spider Baby---one of the many doctors warns Chris to bolt up her window. She doesn't immediately because she can't use any of her full-time help staff to complete the task and OF COURSE could never do it herself, but by the grace of Mr. Howdy, nothing happens.
Until the window is bolted! And then, a rude British man we're meant to find so crass he's adorable gets thrown out the window. He dies in a spooky way. His body is spooky and everyone is like "No one was home. The window was locked?! My GOD! SO SPOOKY!"
And we think we're safe. Or at least, I did. But then...okay, a few hundred pages later...Blatty pulls back the hammer and fires another round with Karras flying out the ole paned gal. We went through a few metaphors there. Not sure how I feel about it.
ANYWAYS, this is where I think I gained the most ~knowledge~. After the incident with the rude British man dying, I assumed we were safe from the window and all its translucent terrors. Before that death, damn near the first page, Blatty warned us of the steep descent behind the house. Of the some how menacing staircase. And then we got our pay off. The dangerous thing had been dangerous, so now it's safe.
Even more, it followed general horror story rules of "Don't worry. The Jerk will die." But the second use rattled me. It changed the rules, and without even being some sort of deus ex machina (kinda) like Father Merrin was. The window didn't change at all. My perception did, and Blatty decided to have some fun with that. So now I wonder, can I pull of the same trick in my writing? Can I make a kitchen knife, blunted from so many bones already sawed through, still deadly? We'll see.
Finally, I think it's important to say that the window claiming two lives, one unexpectedly, rings true to one of the major themes of The Exorcist. Perversion.
There's the more obvious examples of "filthy" language. And then the sex acts committed with sacred Catholic imagery. Reagan's sexual self-mutilation. The way she taunts her mother with it. There's blood, there's vomit. And at the most basic level, there's Reagan. A little girl befouled by one nasty spirit. But I believe most of that pales in comparison to the window. Not because windows are supposed to be nice and let light in and are a selling feature especially in apartment buildings if they face the right direction, but because of the second kill.
That kill took a horror staple---the foreshadowed dangerous thing---and then tricked the audience with a second gag. The second use itself is a perversion. Both of the reader's trust and the rules of horror.
It's a surprise in a book where I didn't find many. It's a brilliant move. And it's what I learned.
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I thought The Exorcist was just okay, but I'm happy I read it. I think if you're looking to become a writer, reading the classics, not matter how homophobic or at times dull I might find them, is important.
If you're in the same boat, I hope you'll pick it up from an indie shop near you (You can use IndieBound to help find your local store) or a library. You can probably get it super cheap from an indie too, so, give that a go if you REALLY think you'll want to own a copy. Just don't use ~tHe RivEr~ if you can help it.
We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson is next. Until then, I leave you with
ONE FINAL DUMB OPINION:
SO little of what was asked of Sharon during this ordeal was in her job description and then Chris had the NERVE to get on her ass about hooking up with some sort of cowboy?! ABSOLUTELY NOT. "Your daughter is trying to lick my heels. I deserve a raise. Why am I the one washing her vomit sheets again?" said Sharon. "I'm going home. Stop drinking gin."
The end.
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